Cobra Libre Masturbator Review

When I saw the Cobra Libre masturbator I was impressed. After trying it, not so much.

I mentioned before on the blog that it can be a little tricky persuading my other half to invest in a particular masturbator or gay sex toy, depending on what his own Internet research digs up. The Cobra Libre masturbator is one of those toys you’re really not sure about, mainly because of all the mixed reviews. It seems that every time I read one trashing it I could find another saying it’s great and a third giving criticism while suggesting hitting the “perfect spot” makes it good… After he looked at some of the photos of guys using it he suggested we’re probably both too big for it anyway, but as is so often the case I ignored his opinions completely and bought one anyway! I’m a sucker for tech and gadgets, and the Cobra Libre sex toy looked pretty cool after all.

First Look

For those checking out the Cobra Libre masturbator for the first time you might be a little confused about what this thing does. It’s pretty compact, and not the kind of gay sex toy you can really sink your member into. It’s predominantly a head exciter, powered by a couple of motors.

The box is nice, proudly displaying that it’s made and manufactured in Germany. That’s initially a good sign, the Germans are pretty well known for their design and efficiency – unfortunately, this year they’ve also become known for lying to the world when it comes to what their cars are capable of in the field of emission limitations. I should have taken that as a warning, but I’ll get to that.

One of the best features of this toy is the magnetic charger. Like I said, I’m into tech and I love new gadgets, so seeing that on a sex toy really grabbed my attention. The Cobra Libre itself is small, with a 3.5 inch internal depth, so it really is only about working that head and leaving your shaft wanting. That’s not always a bad thing, but I have to admit I usually have an instinctive desire to avoid toys that I can’t sink every inch into.

It’s made silicone and plastic, but not a very stretchy and flexible silicone. The design is presumably representative of an open mouth, but that’s really the only “organic” aspect you’ll find. There’s nothing Human about this, which can be good or bad depending on your views. Personally I have no need for every opening to be a mouth or an anus, but some of you might feel the lack of any Human aspect to this design makes it a little cold and soulless.

It might also make you think of a sports car. Again, I don’t know what it is about Germans and their cars, but perhaps this should of been another red flag to me. I have zero interest in cars, as long as it can get me from my door to the pub and back again I’m happy. This was perhaps another warning sign. It’s a bit flashy, it looks amazing in photos, but is that what the Cobra Libre masturbator is all about?

One of the best features of the Cobra Libre is, as mentioned, the magnetic charging function. This means it’s waterproof as there’s no holes for water to seep in. You can use it in the bath or shower without much trouble, which is exactly what I did.

Why other electronic masturbators are not all using this charging method is still beyond me, but perhaps there should be some kind of international seminar for designers and sex toy company reps to go to in order the drum it into them that this is exactly what we want. Come on sex toy companies, it’s 2015! Magnetic charging has been out there for years, get with the damn program!

Using the Cobra Libre masturbator

On an evening alone in the house I ran a nice hot bath and made sure my Cobra Libre masturbator was fully charged up.

I looked through the instructions and disappointingly found that they were worse than pretty much anything I had ever read before, and I have a long history of assembling IKEA furniture. It really made little sense to me, and I started to get a little frustrated. Was I just being a complete idiot or were they just deliberately trying to confuse and confound the user with nonsensical little images and no actual words? After using the masturbator I think this was done because it’s actually pretty limited, and the instructions detailing the vibe action would end up being less than 100 words in total.

I persisted, and with a little playing of the buttons I worked out the settings and the vibes. Note: if you live with someone, or you have neighbours within a mile, they will likely know exactly what you are getting up to with the Cobra Libre.

It emulates a sports car in external appearance, and it almost sounds like one too. This is not a discreet masturbator, not by any stretch of the imagination. It might have been because I was using it in a little tiled room, but if James had been home he would have come running thinking I was being attacked by an out of control electric shaver.

I endured.

I slid into the Cobra Libre laying back in the bath and felt… nothing of note.

My helmet fit snugly in the wet opening, a lot of lube assisted with comfort, but the first vibe setting was indescribably dull. All that noise and no pay off, it’s kind of like seeing a big rocket being launched on Nov 5th and getting nothing but a wheeze and a pop when it reaches proper height. I felt let down, needless to say.

I hit the little button on the side again and felt… not much. I knew the Cobra Libre was responding, the toy trembled and shook like it was about to launch, but the sensation was pathetic.

I was starting to wonder what is wrong with those German men and their dicks, surely they’re not all so sensitive that something as weak as this got them off!

I hit the button again… once more there was a change in the internal workings of the Cobra Libre, but again nothing significant was felt.

I was starting to wonder just how I would explain this to my other half. I actually considered throwing it across the room and trying to get it into the toilet bowl, just out of sheer frustration. At least it would have given me a moment of entertainment. I didn’t do that though, the lid was down. Besides, this wasn’t exactly cheap and I was determined to find some kind of pleasure.

Then something happened. I felt something. Just a little something. I moved it around and felt it again. And then again. Finally!

It seems that the Cobra Libre masturbator takes a little getting used to. There’s a certain point where you start to experience something nice and vibey, and it does a nice little job on you if you can find that sweet spot.

After about half an hour and with the water in the tub getting cold I decided to finish this up in the bedroom before the other half came home and I needed to explain that I’d been trying to cum with this expensive toy for far too long.

I got back to work and quickly found that sweet spot again with a little adjusting, scrolled through the settings (I still don’t know how many there are, but I’m guessing 5?!) and was almost there… but then I gave up.

Distracted by the prospect of some porn and a masturbator that actually works I abandoned the Cobra Libre and got back to work with my Fleshlight Quickshot instead. It just wasn’t doing it for me. The texture inside is non-existent, the vibe action too little too late, and the racket it was making caused me to wonder if the council would knock on the door any moment to give me a fine for noise pollution.

In Conclusion

Don’t get one, just don’t. This was the most expensive failed wank of my life.

The Cobra Libre masturbator is all looks and no substance. It’s the Joey Essex of masturbators: really nice to look at, but it’s just infuriatingly stupid. After trying to use it I was left thinking that it was probably built by a team of salesmen who focused more on the glossy ads they could put in all the men’s magazines rather than making a toy that actually functioned. Yeah, it looks great, and if you’ve never had sex before or even touched your own penis it might get you off in under 20 minutes, but for any man who doesn’t cum at the thought of a bare ankle this is not going to do anything worthy of paying so much money.

I paid £79.99 for mine, and even if it were £29.99 I would have felt ripped off.

The only good thing to come out of this is that me and my man decided that we would both have a budget every month for sex toys, and we would each stick to that budget. After he tried the Cobra Libre and I eventually got him off myself, we shoved it in the back of the closet and slammed the door. We might go back to it in ten years when we’ve both forgotten what an appalling product it is, but until then we have plenty of other toys, and each other, actually able to pleasure our penises.

0 star rating
We give the Cobra Libre masturbator 0/5 stars

 

Terry

Hi I'm Terry, I'm a 33 year old gay man living and working in London England. I'm the long suffering partner of James, the love of my life and the guy who makes me smile every day. I love small dogs, the gym, rock music, electronica, cheesy 90's grunge and some Jazz too. I spend my free time tormenting my partner with pranks and annoyances, it's a hobby of mine.

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